Speaking our Truth
I was 2.
Why I didn't report.
I thought it happened to everyone. They were football players. I couldn't stop them. I didn't know what else to do, so I left my body until it was over.
Why I didn't report.
She was my girlfriend. I was 16 in an endless cycle of sexual, physical, pschological, and emotional abuse with nowhere to go. And I loved her.
Why I didn't report.
They were three "friends" I had recently met in the aeriel community I was a part of. They drove us out into the middle of nowhere in the woods in a town I'd never been to in the middle of the night. We were laying in the back of the van and they began having sex with each other and me. I felt like I had no choice, and no voice to make them stop. There was no way to get home, or even make a phone call. When we got home I tried telling an aerial instructor what had happened. She stopped me before I even began..laughing it off saying she "didn't want to hear was crazy happened that weekend".
Saddly there are many more stories like this from my life. And I know for so many others out there as well.
Why are we being raised in a society where this is the norm?
Why are we growing up not knowing our own worth and how to truly love and be loved?
Why is speaking up so hard, and why when we do we're not believed, heard, or honored in doing so?
I had close friends with similar stories and experiences to mine. My best friend chose to take her own life. We were 20. We had had plans to do it together, only she got to it first.
I feel her spirit with me now, and she gives me strength to keep going. All of them..those who couldn't see a way through their pain.
I don't know why I made it and others did not.
All I know is that I will never for one second let anyone or anything beat me at my own game... including life itself.
I came here with specific purpose. Now through deep spiritual connection and healing, I'm able to fully see the totality of all of this. And to truly, whole heartedly feel deep love and peace for it all. For all players involved, and for my path. #huge.
I've never shared publicly about my experiences in this way. I've been focused on getting through and making it. I even remember wondering what the "metoo" movement was all about. Little did I know..I was completely numbed out to all of these memories. That's how I made it back then. But now my life, my soul is calling for more.
In standing up, choosing to speak our truth, in facing the darkness and loving on it harder than any pain we've ever felt..THAT is how we really make it through it.
Just Surviving doesnt cut it for me anymore. I choose to live a life of thriving, and deeply loving..even when that means staring what scares me the most straight in the face.
The voices of women rising up all around me during what's come to surface in mainstream now has breathed life and fire within me.
It's important to see each other, to stand in solidarity and continue to rise up in deep love for one another, because we are the wayshowers.
I created this painting during the Autumn Equinox this weekend. The word Resilient has been speaking to me for weeks. It's a word that resonates so deeply because I believe it's part of the reason I'm here today, and why so many of us are here.
I'm proud to be who I am, to be able to shine my brightest, truest colors...wings and all! To say I experienced all of this, that I made it, and never lost one ounce of who I really am!? There's nothing more powerful. And the real truth here is that none of us have. We haven't lost anything, because our power is in our own hands now.
I used to think my kindness, my natural enthusiasm, gentleness, and love of everything bright and colorful was a sign of weakness. So funny how darkness and skeptasism is a fad in many circles right!?For the first time I can finally see these pieces are actually my greatest strengths.
So freeing it is. It feels like I've been striving my whole life to get to this place, and I'm actually here. Perfection, no. Will there always be more uncovering and healing to do? Yes. But to have this kind of peace within and the ability to return to love again and again!?! It's all any of us needs I believe.
May we all feel the courage and inspiration to rise up again and again for love and for our deepest truths. May we turn inward to uncover the deeper answers, rather than pointing the finger in hatred and blame.
And for the love of God. When someone speaks up and shares their experience and truth, honor it as such.
In love forever more,
Xoxo Hannah
For anyone looking for more support on these topics, or in living the best life you came here to lead contact my mentor and dear friend Kristian Strang at risingupforlove.org
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